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A Resource for Athens Area Families
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“Enjoy every minute of this precious time – they grow up so fast,” people say as they coo over a newborn. These words seem innocent and well meaning enough. But honestly, the early days and weeks of life with a newborn can be confusing, exhausting and anxiety-ridden, while at the same time being joyful, blissful and indescribably delightful. Try experiencing that roller coaster of emotions every day for several weeks! Birth is not just a physical event – it is a profoundly transformative experience. Women become mothers, men become fathers, couples become parents. Admittedly, some people sail through the newborn period with relative ease. But for the majority of new parents, this time is as difficult as it is joyful. When my first child was born, my husband and I dutifully attended childbirth classes. We bought diapers and baby clothes and had all the gear we thought we needed. We were as “ready” as we could be. But all of that preparation did little to prepare us for what was to come after our blessedly healthy baby arrived. I was focused on the birth as the big day neared. I’m not sure I would have believed anyone who tried to tell me how hard it would be. I’ve worked with expectant and new parents for 25 years, and my experience then is theirs now. Few of us are prepared for life with a newborn baby-postpartum is the neglected part of the story. Once the baby is safely born, there is little in the way of follow-up. The typical postpartum checkup for mom, six long weeks after the baby is born, seldom focuses on more than her physical recovery. Well-baby checkups may not allow enough time for parents to voice all of their concerns. Luckily most new parents don’t need a lot of medical help after childbirth. They need to be listened to and validated. They have a million questions and few places to voice them. They need to be around other parents who have gone through what they are going through. Many research studies conclude that postpartum support benefits mothers, babies and partners. A new mother’s confidence increases when she has people she can trust to listen to her and answer her questions. Usually these are other women who provide emotional and practical support. Some studies even show that oxytocin levels rise when women interact by giving and receiving support in these ways. This increase in oxytocin levels decreases stress and anxiety. Women who receive caring support in the early days of motherhood tend to suffer less postpartum depression, they breastfeed longer and they have greater self-confidence as mothers. In addition to being breastfed longer, babies benefit when their mothers receive the support they need. When a mother is happier and feels supported, she has more to give her baby emotionally and physically. This results in benefits that will affect the baby for life. Partners who receive postpartum support experience greater confidence and less frustration with the changes brought by the baby. Support for partners often involves learning practical skills and forming ideas for supporting Mom and baby. Mothers, partners and babies all benefit from adequate postpartum support. So, what’s a new parent to do? Lists of suggestions for postpartum could go on forever, but here are a few basics: Lower your expectations. You can’t have a clean house and fancy meals with a new baby in the house – unless someone else besides the parents is providing those things. You may not even get a shower some days. The baby will take more time than you ever imagined possible. Find a place where you can be with other parents in an informal, nurturing setting. Both local hospitals have breastfeeding support groups for new mothers. The Athens Mothers’ Center has twice weekly meetings that welcome moms and dads, and the Full Bloom Center has three groups that meet regularly – one for new moms only, one for both parents and one for dads only. Ask for help. This is hard for some of us to do. In our society, we pride ourselves on being independent. There is a time and place for that thinking, and the postpartum period is not one of them. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Focus on nothing but your baby and yourselves for the first few weeks. One wise daddy recently told a group of expectant parents, “Don’t make any social plans for three months!” That’s good advice and will free you to relax and enjoy your baby. Don’t expect that all the books you read have all the answers. You will quickly become the expert about your baby. Knowledge is confidence, and well-informed parents are way ahead of the game. But your baby didn’t read any of the books, and the reality of life with a newborn can surprise even the most well prepared parents. Do everything you can to take care of yourselves this holiday season. Avoid traveling with the baby and realize that the baby is the greatest gift you could give or receive. You will have many years of visiting with relatives, baking, shopping and getting carried away in the fun and frenzy of the holidays. Try to make this first holiday season a peaceful one in which you savor the sweetness of your baby and enjoy the company of those who mean the most to you. Our early experiences with our newborns affect us forever – as parents, as individuals and as couples. Finding the support you need and taking good care of yourselves as you begin the amazing adventure of parenthood can mean all the difference in the world in how you experience the early weeks and months of life with your newborn. Pat Nielsen is the owner of Full Bloom Pregnancy and Early Parenting Center in Athens. Full Bloom is a resource and support center for expectant parents and parents of young children. It is also a store specializing in natural baby products. EDITOR’S NOTE: Pat was a writer in the very first issue of Athens Parent Magazine in the December 1998/January 1999 issue. LOCAL RESOURCES
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