
Ages & Stages
Life with a Newborn: The Neglected Part of
the Story
By Pat Nielsen, RN, M.Ed.
Nov/Dec 2008
“Enjoy every minute of this precious time – they grow
up so fast,” people say as they coo over a newborn. These
words seem innocent and well meaning enough. But honestly, the
early days and weeks of life with a newborn can be confusing, exhausting
and anxiety-ridden, while at the same time being joyful, blissful
and indescribably delightful. Try experiencing that roller coaster
of emotions every day for several weeks!
Birth is not just a physical event – it is a profoundly transformative
experience. Women become mothers, men become fathers, couples become
parents. Admittedly, some people sail through the newborn period
with relative ease. But for the majority of new parents, this time
is as difficult as it is joyful.
When my first child was born, my husband and I dutifully attended
childbirth classes. We bought diapers and baby clothes and had
all the gear we thought we needed. We were as “ready” as
we could be. But all of that preparation did little to prepare
us for what was to come after our blessedly healthy baby arrived.
I was focused on the birth as the big day neared. I’m not
sure I would have believed anyone who tried to tell me how hard
it would be.
I’ve worked with expectant and new parents for 25 years,
and my experience then is theirs now. Few of us are prepared for
life with a newborn baby-postpartum is the neglected part of the
story.
Once the baby is safely born, there is little in the way of follow-up.
The typical postpartum checkup for mom, six long weeks after the
baby is born, seldom focuses on more than her physical recovery.
Well-baby checkups may not allow enough time for parents to voice
all of their concerns.
Luckily most new parents don’t need a lot of medical help
after childbirth. They need to be listened to and validated. They
have a million questions and few places to voice them. They need
to be around other parents who have gone through what they are
going through. Many research studies conclude that postpartum support
benefits mothers, babies and partners.
A new mother’s confidence increases when she has people she
can trust to listen to her and answer her questions. Usually these
are other women who provide emotional and practical support. Some
studies even show that oxytocin levels rise when women interact
by giving and receiving support in these ways. This increase in
oxytocin levels decreases stress and anxiety. Women who receive
caring support in the early days of motherhood tend to suffer less
postpartum depression, they breastfeed longer and they have greater
self-confidence as mothers.
In addition to being breastfed longer, babies benefit when their
mothers receive the support they need. When a mother is happier
and feels supported, she has more to give her baby emotionally
and physically. This results in benefits that will affect the baby
for life.
Partners who receive postpartum support experience greater confidence
and less frustration with the changes brought by the baby. Support
for partners often involves learning practical skills and forming
ideas for supporting Mom and baby.
Mothers, partners and babies all benefit from adequate postpartum
support. So, what’s a new parent to do? Lists of suggestions
for postpartum could go on forever, but here are a few basics:
Lower your expectations. You can’t have a clean house and
fancy meals with a new baby in the house – unless someone
else besides the parents is providing those things. You may not
even get a shower some days. The baby will take more time than
you ever imagined possible.
Find a place where you can be with other parents in an informal,
nurturing setting. Both local hospitals have breastfeeding support
groups for new mothers. The Athens Mothers’ Center has twice
weekly meetings that welcome moms and dads, and the Full Bloom
Center has three groups that meet regularly – one for new
moms only, one for both parents and one for dads only.
Ask for help. This is hard for some of us to do. In our society,
we pride ourselves on being independent. There is a time and place
for that thinking, and the postpartum period is not one of them.
It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
Focus on nothing but your baby and yourselves for the first few
weeks. One wise daddy recently told a group of expectant parents, “Don’t
make any social plans for three months!” That’s good
advice and will free you to relax and enjoy your baby.
Don’t expect that all the books you read have all the answers.
You will quickly become the expert about your baby. Knowledge is
confidence, and well-informed parents are way ahead of the game.
But your baby didn’t read any of the books, and the reality
of life with a newborn can surprise even the most well prepared
parents.
Do everything you can to take care of yourselves this holiday
season. Avoid traveling with the baby and realize that the baby
is the greatest gift you could give or receive. You will have many
years of visiting with relatives, baking, shopping and getting
carried away in the fun and frenzy of the holidays. Try to make
this first holiday season a peaceful one in which you savor the
sweetness of your baby and enjoy the company of those who mean
the most to you.
Our early experiences with our newborns affect us forever – as
parents, as individuals and as couples. Finding the support you
need and taking good care of yourselves as you begin the amazing
adventure of parenthood can mean all the difference in the world
in how you experience the early weeks and months of life with your
newborn.
Pat Nielsen is the owner of Full Bloom Pregnancy and Early Parenting
Center in Athens. Full Bloom is a resource and support center for
expectant parents and parents of young children. It is also a store
specializing in natural baby products.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Pat was a writer in the very first issue
of Athens Parent Magazine in the December 1998/January 1999 issue.
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