
Pregnancy/Baby
Lying in Wait: Surviving Bedrest
By Martha Wegner
Special Baby issue: 2006
According to 'Sidelines,' a
non-profit group offering support for women during high risk pregnancies,
1 in 4 pregnant women in the United States will experience complications.
These can include premature labor, high blood pressure, cervical
changes, vaginal bleeding, poor fetal development, placenta complications,
and gestational diabetes. For many of these women, doctors will
prescribe 'bedrest.' Bedrest can mean anything from an hour a day
spent on the couch to complete bedrest with no bathroom privileges.
If you are one of the thousands of women who must spend the last
weeks, even months, of your pregnancy on bedrest, time can stand
painfully still. My own complication was preterm labor, with no
known cause. This is not unusual; sometimes contractions just start
too early. In order to calm the contractions, I was ordered to
go home and lie down for the duration of the pregnancy. No matter
what the reason, bedrest can be a stressful time for the new mom
to be as well as for the spouse and other children. So, if you
are one of the 'chosen ones,' one of those who 'get' to lie around
for a few weeks or months, how do you survive? And if someone you
know has been put on bedrest, just how can you help?
Here are some tips to get you through the waiting...
If you are the mom:
View this as your job. One day I was teaching a classroom full
of 4th graders, the next day, I was lying in a hospital bed.
Leaving an active, demanding job to lie down for a few months
was one of the most difficult things I will ever have to do.
But once I viewed this as my 'job,' essentially growing a baby,
it became less difficult. You may have just left the executive
suite; you may have just finished your last shift at the restaurant.
No matter, your outside job is over for now. Your job now is
to lie still and let this baby grow.
Let yourself rest. Once I was put
on bedrest, I thought I needed to keep up the same pace I always
had, only lying down. I wanted to catch up on all the books that
had been piling up on my bedside table. Problem was, I found that
20 pages into a book, I fell asleep. Then I tried working on my
computer, but it was way too cumbersome for me to handle lying
down. I had to give up on my list of things I 'should do.' So,
if you can't get to those things that you've always been meaning
to do (putting all the pictures in scrapbooks, organizing your
recipes), don't beat yourself up. Let this be a time of rest.
Sidelines National Support Network
Visit www.sidelines.org,
the website of the Sidelines National Support Network, to
order a copy of their magazine, "Left Sidelines," along with
books which offer support and information to women on bedrest.
In addition, there are numerous articles on high risk pregnancy.
Perhaps most importantly, this site will "match" you with
a volunteer, someone who has previously experienced a similar
pregnancy complication. Depending on which you choose, your
volunteer will support you throughout the remainder of your
pregnancy through email messages or by calling you on the
phone.
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Get help. Accept
help. Call your sister, call your mom, expect
more from your partner. I found that people want to help, especially
if you give them something specific to do. Ask your partner or
your mother to delegate the jobs, since you most likely cannot
do it from your bed. Call the friends that you know will be most
helpful to you. Say 'yes' when they offer to cook, to shop, to
walk the dog.
Set up a comfortable place. One
of the most helpful things my husband and sister did was set up
a little 'bedrest nest' for me. On some makeshift shelves by my
bedside they assembled the telephone, along with my directory,
the radio, the television remote control, the magazines, a snack
and my water bottle. Have everything there at hand so that you
can feel comfortable, and so that your caregivers can feel comfortable
if they need to leave you!
Set up a schedule for yourself. Pretend
this is your new work day. I found that if I planned my day ahead
of time, that is, what time I watched a certain television program,
listened to a radio show, and phoned a friend, my day went by a
lot faster. It was predictable, and I felt a lot less anxious.
Rent movies. Now is the time to
watch all those movies you've been wanting to see. Have a friend
take your list to the movie store, or order the movies from a company
like Netflix (www.netflix.com), and have them mailed to you.
Make yourself presentable. Being
on bedrest does not mean you are sick. I found that brushing my
teeth, combing my hair, and putting on a clean shirt lifted my
spirits, and helped me start the day with a positive attitude.
Many moms who were on bedrest swear by just getting dressed in
the morning and saving the pajamas for night time only.
Ask for professionals to come to you. My
hair stylist was willing to come to my house to give me a very
much needed, very quick haircut. Massage therapists are willing
to come to your house, as are ministers, manicurists, and decorators.
Counselors are often willing to talk to you on the phone. All you
need to do is ask.
Get childcare. Even though I was
no longer working, we continued to send my daughter to her daycare.
You absolutely cannot take care of children when you are on bedrest.
It is not fair to you; it is not fair to the child. If your child
is not already in daycare, find some kind of childcare arrangement,
perhaps a local daycare, a preschool, or even a neighbor who is
willing to babysit.
Go ahead and feel sad. Of course
this not how you wanted your pregnancy to go. It's disappointing
to have your baby shower postponed, to not be able to shop for
those baby clothes. Let yourself cry, let yourself be angry. After
a while you'll start to accept that this is just another way to
do pregnancy. It's not one you prefer, but it's what your baby
requires.
If you are the support:
Don't say to the mother on bedrest, "I wish
I had the chance to lie around." Everyone tells her that. You may think that you
would love the opportunity to lie in bed for days, but you wouldn't.
To have your freedom taken away - your ability to walk, to cook,
to work - is a very difficult thing.
Call and ask how they're doing. Call once a day and tell them
what is going on out there. Moms on bedrest can feel really isolated
from the world.
Call and ask if they would
like a visit. Bring over a simple lunch
for the two of you during your lunch break.
Set up a meal schedule. Get friends,
family, and coworkers to cook dinner for the family. It is impossible
for the partner to work all day, take care of older kids, and tend
to the expectant mom. Having a regular evening meal that you can
count on is a godsend.
Set up a childcare schedule. Find
childcare for the older children. Do not expect the bedridden mom
to take care of kids. She cannot.
Make plans for the baby shower. Chances
are the baby shower has been cancelled, which is a great source
of sadness for the mom. In my case, my shower was postponed until
after I had given birth to my daughter. When I was pregnant with
my son, we had a 'bedside shower.' Either choice works. Ask the
mom what she would like.
Go shopping for the nursery. I
was put on bedrest the week before I was going to decorate the
nursery. My sister stepped in. She was careful to ask me exactly
what I was hoping for. She put off purchasing the things that I
wanted to pick out myself. She came home from stores with 2-3 choices,
let me pick what I liked, and then returned the rejected items.
Give them projects to do. My friend
taught me how to cross stitch. I had never done it, and haven't
done it since, but it was wonderful having an easy project I could
turn to every day.
Being on bedrest can be one of the most difficult
times in a family's life. But with a little patience and a lot
of support, you and your family can get through this. And soon
you'll be holding that precious healthy baby in your arms, and
it will all feel worthwhile.
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