
Column
Helping Kids Adjust to a Move
By Debbie McMillon
June/July 2004
Gone are the days of living in
one house forever. Sooner or later "life will probably happen
to you and your family and a move will
be necessary. Whether this move is across the street for a larger
space or across the country for a job change, the move will be
stressful. Remember that not only are the adults having to deal
with the situation, but the children will also have a transition
period. As parents, we should be concerned as to how our children
will view and respond to a move.
It is important to remember that during a move children feel as
if they are leaving a part of themselves behind. which occurs in
even the most positive situations. Assuming that children do
not need to know all of the details is a mistake. Typically, how
children respond to a move depends on how much they are included
in the planning of that move. The needs will vary from child
to child, depending on their age. For example, the transitional
needs of a toddler are very different from that of a teenager.
Additionally, your child's reaction will depend upon the distance
of the move. No matter what the situation, there are things you
can do as a parent to assist your child with a move.
Talk with your child about the move. Make sure they understand
the reason for the move. Explain to them that you also have mixed
feelings about the move. This will allow them to feel okay about
being sad.
Find ways to help
your children connect to the community. This may be done
a variety of ways: sports, teams, church functions or play
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Help your children plan for the move. Younger children can actually
pack important toys away. Older children can go on the internet
and look for interesting facts about the area where they are moving.
This will help to give them a sense of connection with the area.
Toddlers will not be as concerned with leaving friends. Primarily,
they are concerned that their everyday lives will remain the same.
They want to make sure their parents will be there for them and
will support them.
School-aged children might be the most excited of these three
age groups. They are old enough to understand the move is taking
place. They have feelings of being torn. There is a part of them
that would like to remain where they are but part of them that
is excited. Encourage your child to keep a journal of their feelings.
Invite them into family conversations about the move. Do not assume
they will not understand. Keeping them informed may help with their
insecurities.
Teenagers who have lived in one place long enough to establish
friendships will be sad about leaving longtime friends. This is
a time in their lives when they are sometimes unsure about themselves
in general and can have many moods. In many cases, their self identity
is tied to their peer group. The upheaval of the move may leave
them feeling as if they have no one. Typically teens tend to keep
their feelings to themselves. This would be a good time to let
them know you understand how they feel (even though they will not
believe you) and make yourself available when THEY are ready to
talk.
After the move, it will be easy to get caught up in unpacking
and getting settled. But take some family time to enjoy and explore
your new area. Go to the local museum, library or park. Find a
new favorite restaurant. Find ways to help your children connect
to the community. This may be done a variety of ways: sports teams,
church functions, or play groups. Any of these will help the child
see that you are enjoying the new town and it will help them to
be more comfortable.
Above all, remember that the more you involve your children in
the planning process, the smother the move will be and the quicker
the adjustment period will be. Listen and they will give you the
answers to the questions on what is required to minimize the stress
of the move.
Debbie McMillon, ASR, GRI, and E-Pro, is an Athens area realtor
with The Leaders Real Estate Group of Bogart. www.debsells4u.com
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