
Feature/General
Internet Safety Starts with Parents
Communicating
with Children
By Christopher Byrne
Jan/Feb 2005
A few weeks ago, my 9-year-old
daughter asked me if she could have her own e-mail address, since
her best friend had one. I told
her very simply, "no." Of course, she responded that it was not
fair, so I gently reminded her that my role as parent was not to
be "fair," but to look out for her best interests which do not
include having her own e-mail address. As parents, we are extremely
limiting as to when our children can get online and where they
are allowed to go once they get there. The reason for this is simple:
children are as vulnerable on the Internet as they are in the real
world. And I simply do not see a need for a child to go online
without a specific purpose. The last thing a child needs to be
exposed to is an e-mail for VIAGRA, and the last thing parents
need is for their child to let a virus onto their computer.
This is often the most difficult concept I have to convey to
my clients, largely because it is so basic and simple. While they
sit there and say they need the newest firewall or the latest
greatest
piece of software because they heard it is more secure, I tell
them that I can easily do that for them but it will not be worth
whatever amount of money they spend on it without facing the
realities that as people, we are taught to trust others and to
accept things
that look authentic, and as a result we often enable outside
threats to exploit this very human characteristic. With children,
this
is magnified. We have taught them to not talk to strangers unless
it is a police officer or a fireman or a priest. But for very
young children, how can they tell if someone fits one of these
roles
as they see pant legs and shoes, not a uniform. And online, they
have no way of knowing what is real and what is not.
The most effective tool for the protection of children, as it
is for businesses, is to work with them to discuss rules about
their
behavior online, to develop mutually-agreed-to consequences
for violations of these rules, and to establish two-way communication
so that the children are not afraid to approach parents when
issues arise. Taking this a step further, it is incumbent on
the parent
to communicate with other parents of their friends as to what
your rules are for their access to the Internet when your children
are
at their house. The Internet is like a loaded gun and you need
to know that you have taken steps to protect them as much as
you can and that other parents and their children need to respect
the
boundaries you have set.
The most effective way to establish these boundaries is through
a written "Acceptable Internet Use Contract" between you
and your children (a sample contract, as well as links to other
tools to
help parents, is available for download at http://www.thecayugagroup.com/iscontrolscaddy/).
This contract, which makes it clear that access to the Internet
is a privilege and not a right, will help you to protect
against
the threats that stand ready to exploit you and your children.
Items that should be addressed for children include:
- Never give out personal information without permission,
such as addresses, telephone numbers, parents' work
address/phone, school name or its location.
- Tell the parents right away if they see anything
that makes them feel uncomfortable.
- Never get together with someone they "meet" online
without first checking with their parents.
- Never
send a person our photo or anything else without first checking
with their parents.
- Do not install any software on the computer without
the permission of the parents.
- Do not accept any instant messages from anybody
except those on their buddy list as approved
by you as a
parent.
- Do not transmit or accept any files at any
time.
- Do not respond to any messages that are
mean or uncomfortable. Tell the parents
immediately.
- Do not give out any Internet
password to anyone (even best friends) other than
trusted
family
members.
- Be good online citizens and do not
do anything that hurts other people
or is
against the
law (including downloading MP3 or
video files).
The best example for children comes from parents,
so advice for parents includes:
- Know what services and Web sites your children are
using.
- Keep an eye on your children when online and remind
them of the rules that keep them safe.
- Accompany
your children if you agree to a meeting with an "e-pal" in
a public place.
- Do not overreact if your child has a problem.
Try to solve the problem and prevent it from
happening
again.
- Do not use the computer or the Internet as
a babysitter.
- Do not allow an Internet-accessible computer
to be placed anywhere in the house except
in a common living
area.
- Help make the Internet a family activity
and plan family events using the Internet.
- Get to know the children's "online
friends" just as you try getting
to know other
friends.
Children are still growing mentally, emotionally and
physically. They need our guidance and direction. By
communicating
openly and honestly, as well as by setting a good online
example,
parents can teach their children to be more responsible
adults willing
to accept responsibility for their behaviors and actions.
Christopher Byrne, IBM CAAD/CASA, is the Information Systems Control
Practice Manager for The Cayuga Group, LLC and is a member of
the Information Systems Audit and Control Association (ISACA).
But most importantly, he is the father of two young children
ages 9 and 7.
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