Feature/General
Internet Safety Starts with Parents
Communicating with Children
By Christopher Byrne
Jan/Feb 2005

A few weeks ago, my 9-year-old daughter asked me if she could have her own e-mail address, since her best friend had one. I told her very simply, "no." Of course, she responded that it was not fair, so I gently reminded her that my role as parent was not to be "fair," but to look out for her best interests which do not include having her own e-mail address. As parents, we are extremely limiting as to when our children can get online and where they are allowed to go once they get there. The reason for this is simple: children are as vulnerable on the Internet as they are in the real world. And I simply do not see a need for a child to go online without a specific purpose. The last thing a child needs to be exposed to is an e-mail for VIAGRA, and the last thing parents need is for their child to let a virus onto their computer.

This is often the most difficult concept I have to convey to my clients, largely because it is so basic and simple. While they sit there and say they need the newest firewall or the latest greatest piece of software because they heard it is more secure, I tell them that I can easily do that for them but it will not be worth whatever amount of money they spend on it without facing the realities that as people, we are taught to trust others and to accept things that look authentic, and as a result we often enable outside threats to exploit this very human characteristic. With children, this is magnified. We have taught them to not talk to strangers unless it is a police officer or a fireman or a priest. But for very young children, how can they tell if someone fits one of these roles as they see pant legs and shoes, not a uniform. And online, they have no way of knowing what is real and what is not.

The most effective tool for the protection of children, as it is for businesses, is to work with them to discuss rules about their behavior online, to develop mutually-agreed-to consequences for violations of these rules, and to establish two-way communication so that the children are not afraid to approach parents when issues arise. Taking this a step further, it is incumbent on the parent to communicate with other parents of their friends as to what your rules are for their access to the Internet when your children are at their house. The Internet is like a loaded gun and you need to know that you have taken steps to protect them as much as you can and that other parents and their children need to respect the boundaries you have set.

The most effective way to establish these boundaries is through a written "Acceptable Internet Use Contract" between you and your children (a sample contract, as well as links to other tools to help parents, is available for download at http://www.thecayugagroup.com/iscontrolscaddy/). This contract, which makes it clear that access to the Internet is a privilege and not a right, will help you to protect against the threats that stand ready to exploit you and your children.

Items that should be addressed for children include:

• Never give out personal information without permission, such as addresses, telephone numbers, parents' work address/phone, school name or its location.
• Tell the parents right away if they see anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
• Never get together with someone they "meet" online without first checking with their parents.
• Never send a person our photo or anything else without first checking with their parents.
• Do not install any software on the computer without the permission of the parents.
• Do not accept any instant messages from anybody except those on their buddy list as approved by you as a parent.
• Do not transmit or accept any files at any time.
• Do not respond to any messages that are mean or uncomfortable. Tell the parents immediately.
• Do not give out any Internet password to anyone (even best friends) other than trusted family members.
• Be good online citizens and do not do anything that hurts other people or is against the law (including downloading MP3 or video files).

The best example for children comes from parents, so advice for parents includes:

• Know what services and Web sites your children are using.
• Keep an eye on your children when online and remind them of the rules that keep them safe.
• Accompany your children if you agree to a meeting with an "e-pal" in a public place.
• Do not overreact if your child has a problem. Try to solve the problem and prevent it from happening again.
• Do not use the computer or the Internet as a babysitter.
• Do not allow an Internet-accessible computer to be placed anywhere in the house except in a common living area.
• Help make the Internet a family activity and plan family events using the Internet.
• Get to know the children's "online friends" just as you try getting to know other friends.

Children are still growing mentally, emotionally and physically. They need our guidance and direction. By communicating openly and honestly, as well as by setting a good online example, parents can teach their children to be more responsible adults willing to accept responsibility for their behaviors and actions.

Christopher Byrne, IBM CAAD/CASA, is the Information Systems Control Practice Manager for The Cayuga Group, LLC and is a member of the Information Systems Audit and Control Association (ISACA). But most importantly, he is the father of two young children ages 9 and 7.

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