
Feature/General
Bipolar Disorder: Building Lauren's Nest
By Robin Weinrich
March 2004
”I just love collecting birds’ nests!
They are so fascinating!” she
exclaimed. “I just found one that was knocked out of a pine
tree. I think it's a robin’s nest. It is perfectly
built. There were some ants on it, but I brushed them off and the
nest is perfect! Can you believe it survived that fall?” As
my daughter shared her enthusiasm about her most recent find, my
mind wandered to the startling analogy between the nest and her
life.
Like most other children, Lauren began to develop normally. We
shared with our family and friends all the different milestones
our baby reached as she passed through her infant and toddler years.
The first word, the first step, the first smile; all signals that
she was learning about her world and the people who love her. Preschool
came, and then kindergarten and Lauren began interacting with her
world and other people who were not family. She began to learn
social skills and etiquette from her parents, teachers and friends.
At this time we began to notice Lauren’s difficulties with
socialization and other difficulties.
Her focus was always on herself. She was the boss or she wouldn’t
play with other children. You could never tell her “no” for
this meant all types of temper tantrums and attention-getting displays.
She was quick to anger and quick to stomp. She rebelled against
standing still in line, keeping her hands in her lap, or raising
her hand to speak.
But, she was also a very loving child. She would become giddy and
ecstatic from the simplest things. She was full of energy and could
never sit still, unless she was reading her latest book. Her speech
patterns were nothing but run-on sentences and she could never
focus on one thing.
It was during this time that I called her “my pendulum child.” She
was always very “up” or she was always very “down.” Never
was she “in the middle.” We were told after several
conferences with the principal and a psychological assessment that
she had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). My husband
and I, devoted to time-tested parenting principles, pushed forward
with behavior modification. We would not even consider the medication
route.
During those early years, Lauren grew to love school and discover
her intellect. I described her as “our little Einstein struggling
with a 4-year-old body.” From pre-K on she enjoyed logically
complex math problems and would devour books at an astonishing
rate. By third grade, she was already reading and comprehending
at a tenth grade level. As her mother, at times I felt inadequate
to handle her keen intellect.
Yet, at this time, Lauren’s behavior increasingly became
more troublesome at home. We discovered that her behavior at school
was only slightly disruptive and anxious, but by the time she got
home, she practically blew up. It was if she worked very hard to
maintain an equilibrium at school and then when she arrived in
her “comfort” zone, she let it go.
Her anger was deeper, her tantrums were stronger, and her anxiety
was greater. Stomping was more “normal” for her than
walking through the house. Anger was at every corner. Her tantrums
would last from five minutes to two hours, depending on the intensity
of her emotions. It was as if all of us were walking on eggshells,
never knowing what would set her off or what would happen next.
Although my husband and I became increasingly frustrated that she
responded to none of our modifications, we continued to work hard
to keep our family happy and well-adjusted. Siblings caused her
the most distress at home. An older sister and a younger brother
added to her anger and frustration, and quite frequently they became “triggers” for
her tantrums.
Other triggers were everywhere, but we wouldn’t know what
they were until a tantrum hit. One afternoon after playing in the
puddles left by a recent rain, Lauren, her sister, brother and
cousins had a great time becoming muddy and wet. But as they approached
their cousins’ house, they were told to hop in the showers
and get cleaned up. Lauren didn’t understand why she needed
to shower. After she was told again, she simply burst out into
a frenzied rage of anger and wrath. Her uncle could only hold her
in a big bear-hug until she was able to calm down.
It was haunting to watch my child rage against forces I could not
see – one of those unforgettable moments when I realized
that my daughter was not “there.” As she began to weep
with the “hiccup” tears, I could see the fear in her
eyes. Too many tantrums, too many meltdowns began to tear at her
and she was afraid. Once the storm of fury finally left her body,
she was extremely remorseful and full of questions. Why? Why such
horrible meltdowns over the smallest things or the simplest of
requests? My heart broke that day, as I realized that something
was happening to my child that I didn’t understand.
Soon after that incident, my husband was watching an “ER” episode
featuring the actress Sally Fields playing a bipolar adult and
the issues that disorder brought into the character’s life.
He turned to me and asked, “Have we thought about bipolar
as a diagnosis for Lauren?” I hadn’t and was a little
surprised to see the many similarities between the “ER” character
and our daughter.
That was when I believe God opened our hearts and minds to answers
we were searching for from a wonderful organization called “The
Child & Adolescent Bipolar Foundation” through their
website (www.bpkids.org). After reading the many links and articles
and visiting the message boards, it became clear what was happening
to our daughter. According to the resource materials, Lauren was
a text book case. She exhibited all the classic symptoms of the
illness and fit every category that I read on the disorder.
Research now tells us that children as young as four years old
can develop “emerging” or early onset symptoms of bipolar
disorder. Bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depression) is
a serious but treatable medical illness. It is a disorder of the
brain marked by extreme changes in mood, energy, and behavior.
Symptoms may be present from infancy or early childhood, or may
suddenly emerge in adolescence or adulthood. Until recently, a
diagnosis of the disorder was rarely made in childhood.
I read how families of affected children and adolescents are almost
always baffled by early-onset bipolar disorder and are desperate
for information and support. I was so thankful to finally have
answers, but I didn’t know where our journey was going. We
began by seeing a psychologist and started down the road of treating
Lauren. It only took one visit and our psychologist agreed that
we were dealing with several issues. We were told that Lauren was
suffering from depression. This revelation was a key in her diagnosis,
indicating that her irritability and anxiousness were symptoms
of a greater problem – bipolar disorder. It was time to see
a psychiatrist.
We struggled to find a psychiatrist who would consider evaluating
and treating Lauren, stumbling daily from referral to referral.
Some doctors were not taking new patients; some wouldn’t
see children; others were not on our medical plan. Finally, we
found a child psychiatrist in Atlanta who was willing to take our
case.
We discovered that many psychiatrists don’t believe that
early on-set bipolar exists in children despite the fact that hundreds
and thousands of diagnosed cases across our nation bear testimony
to the existence of this illness. In fact, as we fought to get
treatment for Lauren, it was easy to become discouraged. No one
seemed to understand our struggle until TIME magazine (August 2002),
published a cover story entitled, “Young and Bipolar.” I
was so excited to see the coverage that I ran to the grocery store
to pick up a few copies and began reading to my husband over my
cell phone. This is really something that is happening to kids
across the nation. We were not alone. In fact, as the article explained,
it is estimated that many ADD/ADHD kids are misdiagnosed and are
actually suffering from bipolar disorder.
This disorder is responsible for adding to the startling statistics
of teenagers who commit violent crimes and suicide. It is more
usual to diagnose bipolar after these violent acts occur because
more history of the child’s behavior is evident. Those of
us who have recognized the early symptoms have realized that early
intervention and treatment offer the best chance for children with
emerging bipolar disorder to achieve stability, gain the best possible
level of wellness, and grow up to enjoy their gifts and build upon
their strengths. Proper treatment can minimize the adverse effects
of the illness on their lives and the lives of those who love them.
Since her official diagnosis of bipolar disorder we have learned
much. We have learned that each day builds our child through our
actions, words, and values – just as that bird did when she
built a sturdy nest. As each child is unique, we know that each
nest built is unique – never the same. Each temperament,
each personality, each brain is designed and wired by our creator
and it is up to us as parents to carefully weave a life of stability
and love to help weather the falls. Just as the bird’s nest
fell out of the tall pine tree and survived, we know that Lauren
has already survived many falls and will survive any future ones
because of her sturdiness. Just as the ants were a minor inconvenience
simply brushed away by her hand, we know that her challenges will
be met with new resources and new knowledge about her disorder.
We have embraced the technology of pharmaceuticals and are hopeful
that the medications she now takes will prevent violent and hurtful
episodes of rage. Along with her regimen of mood stabilizers, antidepressants
and antipsychotics, we have made lifestyle changes to help her.
We are learning the battles to fight and the battles to let go
of.
”The nest is perfect!” she said. We look at Lauren
and know that whatever definition of “normal” we use,
Lauren is perfectly normal, for her. We still live from one day
to the
next, hoping that her stability will remain. But, we are also
prepared when it doesn’t and we are becoming better parents
because of the journey we’ve been on. We know the road
doesn’t
end here and that this will be a lifetime disorder for Lauren.
Treating bipolar disorder in kids is not easy, but at least it
is possible. I have always felt (even prior to her diagnosis)
that Lauren will be doing something very important for others
when she
is a full-functioning adult member of our society. “I can’t
believe it (the nest) survived the fall!” I can’t
wait to see where our journey will lead.
Because of our experiences and the continuing support Lauren
will need, I was led to begin the Athens Area Alliance for
Bipolar Kids,
in an effort to unite parents who are raising bipolar and ADHD
kids. The group is designed to offer encouragement, hope and
education for all of us. For more information, please call 770-725-5608.
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