
Dad's Chair
Our Father-Daughter Book Club
By Tad MacMillan, Principal, Barrow Elementary
School
Jan/Feb 2005
Writers from William Wordsworth to Thomas Wolfe to Bob Dylan have
written about the fleeting nature of youth. For me, as a father,
the most powerful theme of parenthood is how quickly it all passes.
I would swear that my wife and I just brought our 10-year-old home
from the hospital last week.
Truly, it seems that in the blink of an eye, my
daughter has changed from a totally dependent baby and toddler
into a self-confident
and capable young woman. Although I realize that this is the
way
it is supposed to happen, I can't help but bemoan the small things
that will never happen again. No more will I hear "Daddy carry!"
or "flat it out" (a command to spread out a blanket) or "callapitar"
(caterpillar). Today, as an eloquent, powerful fourth grader,
her dependence on me is waning, and although I realize that
I still
have much support to give (and many insurance, tuition and Visa
bills to pay), I cherish and miss the days when she actually
thought my jokes were funny and that going to the store with
me was akin
to high adventure.
Rather than whine and complain about the passing of time, though,
I realized that the trick was to find time between school,
soccer and piano practice for Dory and me to do something that
enriched
the father-daughter relationship. Our father-daughter book
club has provided a successful and fun strategy for staying connected.
The idea to this "book club" is really simple. There
are two members of this club: Dory and me. No initiation fee and
no monthly tab.
All we do is go to Borders bookstore or to Athens Regional
Library, scan the stacks, and pick out a book that we both
agree to read.
We then either buy or check out two copies of it and read
it. Sometimes, we agree to read to a certain page and then
talk
about it. Sometimes,
we read the whole book and then talk about it. Although we
usually discuss what book we are in the mood for, we try
to take turns
making the final decision. Certainly, Dory has picked out
some books that would not be my first choice, and vise versa.
Actually,
it is very rewarding when your child reads a book that was
definitely not her first choice and LOVES it. "I-told-you-so"
is completely
acceptable.
Since there is so much great literature for young
people, neither of us have picked out a real dog, but that, too,
will happen.
So what? Then we will have more fodder for discussion.
And the discussion
has been the most powerful part of our "club," providing
natural springboards into all kinds of talks. We have talked
about
peer pressure and how the need to do the right thing and
the thing
that will impress our friends sometimes collide (The Tiger
Rising). We have talked about how sometimes someone's seemingly
obnoxious
actions are really just about being noticed and liked (There
is
a Boy in the Girls Bathroom). We have talked about the
loss of loved ones (Because of Winn Dixie). We have talked
about
how
sometimes adults don't always do what they should do (Dear
Mr. Henshaw).
Dory and I have been able to discuss so many important
issues thanks to our book club.
Hopefully, we would have talked about many of these things
anyway, but our books have helped us to frame our discussion
in more
powerful and more meaningful ways for both of us. It
is fascinating to hear
how a certain character really gets under Dory's skin.
Or how she really does not think that a certain character
is
heroic.
Or what
settings make her a little scared. And we have talked
about topics that would not come up naturally, and I think we
are both the
better for it.
When we read A Boy at War, I got to brag about my
grandfather who fought in World War II, and Dory was fascinated
because it helped
her understand the story. When we read Holes, I understood
Dory's perspective on school bullies and how she handles
them. And yes,
many of the books we have just enjoyed reading and
no serious conversations ensued.
Our book club has really helped us develop our connection
and capture moments that otherwise might have been
lost. Although
Dory and
I will still love to watch SpongeBob Squarepants
and do other similarly mindless activities, our book club
has
deepened
our understanding
of each other. We know each other better - how we
think, how we respond to people, how our own experiences have
developed our view
of the world.
Frequently, what we read strikes us very differently,
and we have learned how to disagree and talk through
it. My
hope is
that as
she moves into the teenage years, we can continue
this activity. Although I know I will become a
persona non
grata at some
point, I am in her book club and so I can't be
all bad! I am holding
on to the hope that our book club is something
we will always have.
Now, my only regret is that we didn't start earlier.
By checking out two copies of the same book, you
can encourage your toddler's independence in
the area of
pre-literacy
by modeling how to hold books, turn the pages,
and look at the
pictures.
Having very young children talk about their favorite
picture is a wonderful
beginning. There are many formal and informal
strategies for encouraging your child to talk about what you
read. If you
want to add more
structure to your discussions, your child's school
should be able to make some suggestions.
Yes, yesterday, my wife and I did just bring
our daughter home from the hospital. Yes. It
is all
moving too quickly.
Our book
club, however, has deepened my appreciation
of the present and helped me capture moments for
the future.
Although
she will never
say "Daddy carry!" to me again, her encouragement
for me to finish the next chapter so that we
can talk about
it
is not
a bad trade.
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